Children in care to be catapulted to nice bits of London

Children who are not adopted are to be catapulted to Notting Hill under new Tory streamlining plans.

David ‘Dave’ Cameron explained: “For years, we have seen a scandal going on which only a visionary like me was able to see.

"A despicable process, which we have only been able to describe as 'thorough checking' has been preventing children from being adopted."

The Tories want to streamline the process so under-priveleged children can spend two weeks seeing a world that they will never have access to ever again.

He added: "These politically correct social workers have no business asking coked up 23 year olds whether their four hour old marriage is strong enough to justify adopting a cute two year old Bulgarian.

"By using the catapult system, we can have all children in care adopted in three days. And then we will write thart down in the Tory Achievements Book otherwise known as the BBC News website."